Best Laid Plans
by Tari Roo
Summary: Sequel to Friends with Benefits. Sheldon has a cunning plan. It's just a pity Howard and Raj aren't home to sign for their delivery. Penny is though.


Best Laid Plans

Author: Tari_Roo

Rating: PG (Gen)

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I profit from nothing. But if I did Sheldon and Penny would be a couple and Rodney would have to give Penny away.

Summary: Sequel to Friends with Benefits. Sheldon has a cunning plan. It's just a pity Howard and Raj aren't home to sign for their delivery. Penny is though.

Spoilers: None, but you kinda have to know the shows. Post S5 SGA.

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"Right, it is approximately 20h00 hours MST standard, which means its approximately 21h30 in LA, and Howard and Raj should be playing HALO."

"Approximately? Doesn't Atlantis run a synchronised time zone to Colorado?"

"Please Leonard, we are billions of light years from Earth in another galaxy and no matter what fallacies McKay chooses to believe it is impossible to accurately synchronise an alien world's rotation to Earth's. At best the people on Atlantis loose an entire three weeks every year, or have you failed to notice that some days in Atlantis run 48 hours – just because?"

"Really?"

"It amazing you can breathe and talk at the same time, Leonard."

"As equally amazing that you lived this long, Sheldon."

Sheldon shot a long suffering eyeroll at Leonard and checked his far more accurate 'Earth Time' application running on his tablet and snipped loudly, "Well, if DHL adhere to their service promise, Raj should be getting a package, right about ... now!"

Sheldon looked up expectantly at the long range communication device on the table, as if it was supposed to light up and indicate ... something. Leonard rolled his eyes, and tapped away on his own tablet. "You have to allow for the broken lift, knocking on the door, and whatif the delivery person is a woman..." Leonard offered, fingering the picture on the counter.

"Ah," Sheldon mused, "True."

"Cooper!"

Whatever else Sheldon was going to comment on was lost in his darkening expression of irritation, one that matched Rodney McKay's as the head scientist stormed into their lab.

"I believe knocking is the accepted protocol, Dr McKay."

"Your door was open, Cooper."

Leonard watched them carefully, judging if he needed to step in and ... soothe a few feathers. The last thing they wanted was McKay sticking around. "Was there something you wanted, Dr McKay?" Leonard interjected smoothly, pushing his glasses further up onto the bridge of his nose. Whirling a little, McKay blinked at Leonard as if only realising he was in the room right then. "Dr Hofstadter, yes. It's this..."

McKay thrust a battered looking tablet at Leonard and snarled, "Those damn ZPM equations. The power requirements are not making sense, unless Cooper here only plans on lighting up a small city block."

The self satisfied, pleased as punch look Sheldon got whenever McKay brought up his most recent triumph twisted into an irate, fury but before Sheldon could insult McKay's parentage, intellect and shoe size, Leonard took the tablet and smiled. "We'll look at it and come back to you asap."

A little taken aback by the pleasant smile and can do attitude, Rodney snapped, "See that you do." He left with a poisonous glare directed at Sheldon and received one with equal venom.

Leonard placed the tablet down and glanced at the chronometer and tried to distract Sheldon from plotting revenge. "They should have the package by now, Sheldon." The prospect of their latest plot distracted Sheldon sufficiently and he beamed, "Excellent. I can't wait to snub my nose at Howard and Raj."

"Interesting motive, but what the hey. I'll go first?" Leonard snatched up one of the long-range communication stones, and Sheldon snatched up the other. "No, Leonard. I shall go first!"

Leonard rolled his eyes.

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_Knock, knock._

Penny looked up from her laptop and felt her heart skip a little. She knew is wasn't Sheldon, because first off, there was no immediate 'Penny!' and second because Sheldon was off in New Mexico somewhere, but a ridiculous hope always flared when there was a knock on the door.

Bernadette looked up from the pot on the stove, her latest experiment with mouldy cheese sauce simmering away happily. "You going to get that?"

Penny started, flushed and clambered up, "Yeah, yeah, sure. Coming!"

The delivery man outside was looking a tad impatient but brightened as she opened the door. "Hey, you know the guys at the end of the hall?" he asked, face hopeful.

Peering out, and noticing the delivery guy was alone, she nodded, "Sure."

"Would you sign this for them? No one's home." He thrust a signature pad at her and beamed.

"Yeah, usually its HALO night but there's something 'big' going down at the comic book store," Penny laughed, and took the electronic signature pad. The DHL guy nodded, uninterested in the story, keen to get gone. "Great, thanks. Here you go."

The package was sturdy, heavy even and had all sorts of weird post marks on it. Penny smiled as she took it and stared at the return address, "Colorado? Who the hell does Raj know in Colorado?" DHL didn't care and was gone with a happy hat tip.

Closing the door behind her, Penny walked over the to the kitchen counter, stepping over a few t-shirts. "Hey, hey, Bernadette, check it out. It's from Sheldon!"

Bernadette pulled her sauce off the stove and beamed, "Really?"

"Yeah, yeah. I mean the return address is Colorado, but it's from a Dr Nimoy Barrell!" Penny pointed at the address and name, and Bernadette peered closely. "Maybe, but why disguise his name?"

Penny waved that off as if it was of no importance, "Come on, let's open it!" Bernadette's smile was bright and worried.

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The trip was instantaneous. Sheldon was mid-rant about inconsiderate poor timekeeping of some people and international courier companies when there was a moment of confusion, a sensation of falling and suddenly Leonard was in Penny's apartment.

And Penny was flapping her hands about, a small stone in her hands, "If trains can run to an ordered, accurate schedule that meets both the needs of the public and major business, why on earth can people not keep to a regular routine, as defined by those who know better..."

Penny trailed off, her forehead crinkling in confusion and Leonard, who had already checked his own reflection in the laptop screen, counted down a silent, 3, 2, 1.

Penny whirled, her mouth open and she stammered, "Leonard... Bernadette?"

Sheldon's scream was long, loud and reached girly heights that Penny probably never thought to reach.

"Noooooooooooo...!"

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"What do you think this is..." Penny noticed the room was different right off. And then she noticed Leonard.

"Leonard!"

Leonard turned on his stool, eyes wide, "Where?"

Penny blamed Leonard, Sheldon and the handful of Star Trek episodes she had sat through because she was in love with a geek that she figured it out in two seconds flat. She stared at the small stone in her, no Sheldon's hand. She might have figured it out in two seconds, but the full implications only sunk in when she saw Sheldon's hand... her hand.

Her scream echoed around the laboratory at a volume and octave not reached by most men.

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"Argh, aargh, Leonard! I'm a girl! I'm Penny!"

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Bernadette was taking this in her usual stride and was moving Leonard's glasses up and down, squinting periodically, "Sheesh, Leonard really does have bad eye sight!"

Penny was hyperventilating.

Bernadette hopped off the stool and strolled over one of the windows, "Wow! It's amazing. I wonder where we are?"

"Who cares where we are! How do we switch back? I am going to kill Sheldon!" Penny shrieked and Leonard's face morphed into a very Bernadette pout. "Penny, this is kinda exciting, don't you think? I mean, just go with it, I'm sure the boys had a reason for sending us those stones," Bernadette replied, not really looking at Penny, instead peering outside, nose pressed against the window.

Penny tried to calm down, but every time she saw her hands, or those long gangly legs, her chest tightened and she fought the urge to vomit. "Hey, I think we're on another world! Wow!" Leonard, no Bernadette!, sounded excited.

Penny took a deep breath and counted to ten. There was a picture of her on the table, which was covered in scientific crap, notes and an old looking jar-thing. Leonard's scrawl was on a few of the pages and Penny felt a small burst of emotion, longing, run through her. Leonard, or Bernadette as Leonard, was right there in the room. Leonard had a picture of her on his desk. This was where Leonard was, with Sheldon. And he missed her!

"Hey, hey, Penny! If we're in Sheldon and Leonard, do you think Sheldon and Leonard are in ..."

At first Penny nearly screamed at the mere idea of Sheldon inside her body but the moment that thought flashed through her mind, she could picture Sheldon's reaction at being in her body and she burst out laughing.

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"What if she's menstruating, Leonard! What if I'm menstruating, Leonard! Stop laughing, Leonard, this is serious!"

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"So should we go exploring?"

Penny had finally calmed down, both from the hysterical laughter and shock. Bernadette was bouncing in Leonard's shoes with visible glee. Her excitement made Leonard look so cute! Resisting the urge to kiss her... him... her, Penny nodded.

"Sure, let's go see where they've been hiding out."

Where they had been hiding out was pretty damn impressive. A floating city, with incredible architecture and corridors full of hot Marines. Penny and Bernadette skipped down and through the corridors with nervous glee, holding hands, and giggling before remembering not to.

"Are we really on another planet, Ber... Leonard?"

"Looks like," Bernadette said as she oogled the asses of a squad of Marines jogging past. Suddenly, she nearly broke Sheldon/Penny's hand though and squeaked in a guttural way. Wincing, and surprised at how strong Leonard was, or fragile Sheldon was, Penny opened her mouth to protest and then saw the reason for Bernadette's glee.

He was just her type, Bernadette's that is.

As much as Bernadette loved Howard (heaven knows why) she had a real thing for the big, strapping, over-muscled type. And there was a fine specimen with 'dreadlocks!' running towards them. Glistening with sweat, the picture of physical poetry in motion, Penny couldn't help but agree with Bernadette's nonverbalised 'squee!' of excitement. Personally though, Penny liked the look of the man jogging alongside Mr Muscles.

Tall, lean, messy hair, black t-shirt damp with sweat and highlighting the odd defined muscle tone, he definitely was someone she'd happily stare at for ages.

"Dr Cooper, Dr Hofstadter," Mr Black T-Shirt nodded at them as they passed, giving them a confused, worried look. Penny flushed, realising they were being very obvious, but it didn't stop her watching them run off, out of sight.

"Can we please stay, forever?" Bernadette sighed.

"Cooper!"

Belatedly Penny remembered that was her and she whirled around to meet a towering diminutive fury in the shape of a balding man. "Why aren't you working on those equations? Dr Hofstadter, you said ASAP!"

The little man was staring at Bernadette, er Leonard with expectant impatience and Bernadette had a deer in headlights terror on her face. "Er,..."

"Coffee break.. er... sir?" Penny offered and the man turned on her, eyes bulging. "Don't play me, Cooper! I know you don't drink coffee! Get back to work, now!"

He stalked off down the corridor in a foul mood, repeatedly glaring back at them, muttering to himself. "Maybe not forever then," Bernadette sighed.

Penny nodded solemnly and then her eyes bulged, "Shit, Bernadette! I need to pee!"

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Leonard had finally got Sheldon calmed down and he couldn't help smiling at the picture of Penny breathing into a brown paperbag. The apartment looked the same, and Leonard felt a ridiculous pulse of delight at being back, home.

"I hate this, I hate this. Why haven't they severed the connection, Leonard?" Sheldon mumbled through the paperbag, eyes glaring daggers. On Sheldon that look was vaguely terrifying. On Penny - it was kinda cute.

The urge to lean over and kiss her was a stillborn urge, and it died the second Sheldon opened her mouth. "Sheldon, just ... relax. Look, we can still go over to our apartment and check that Raj hasn't been making any non-approved changes."

Sheldon perked up, and nodded around the bag, "Yes, yes, we can."

There was a knock on the door and before Leonard could turn to answer it, Raj and Howard entered, talking animatedly. Or rather Howard kept on talking and Raj stopped mid-sentence.

"You!" Sheldon stood, and pointed at Howard and Raj like an avenging Valkery. "Why aren't you at home?"

Howard paused, confused and exclaimed, "Come on, Penny. We told you that Christopher Nolan was signing autographs down at the Paladium."

Sheldon paled, and he crushed the paperbag and cried, "I missed Christopher Nolan!"

Confused, Howard nodded and turned to Leonard and muttered, "What's up with Penny?" Leonard shrugged, fighting a smile and opened his mouth to reply.

It was then that Howard leaned in to kiss him.

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"Hey, Rodney, what's up?"

Sheppard looked up as McKay sat down at the table in the mess hall, a veritable cloud of misery over his head. Rodney slammed his tray down, spraying the table with eggs and threw up his hands, "What's up? What's up! Sheldon damn Cooper is up!"

Sheppard nodded in unison with Ronon who ate steadily, now eyeing out McKay's bacon. Defending his almost-pork product, Rodney shoved the bacon in his mouth and mumbled around it, "I swear that man is out to drive me insane. Insane!"

"Probably," Sheppard agreed, sipping his coffee, savouring the aroma and taste.

"I just need one damn simple equation fixed and then we can start work on manufacturing our own ZPM. One damn equation!"

"Why don't you fix it yourself?" Sheppard asked and Rodney shot him a death glare worthy of Darth Vader. "Har, har, John. Don't you think I tried that first before going anywhere near that man?"

Ronon grunted and shoved half a piece of toast into his mouth. Rodney sighed dramatically again, and put his head in his hands, "What did I do to deserve him?"

"Blow up a solar system?"

McKay didn't bother to retort, he just waved a piece of toast in John's general direction, unable to verbalise himself. Taking pity on his friend, Sheppard put down his cup and said, "If it helps, Rodney, both Hofstadter and Cooper seemed pretty odd this morning. Maybe they're cracking up and Dr Green will have to send them home due to psychological breakdown."

"Do you think?" Rodney looked up, a sad, hopeful expression on his face.

"Sure," Sheppard smiled. Just then, Cooper and Hofstadter walked past, arm in arm, giggling and shooting him and Ronon covert 'looks'. "Any day now in fact," John sighed.

Rodney looked ridiculously happy.

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**Fin.**

**AN:** I couldn't resist. I just had to. *insert silly grin*


End file.
